"Bukan wanita cantik yang membuat seorang pria jatuh cinta, tapi pria yang sedang jatuh cinta akan memandang wanita yang dicintainya sebagai wanita yang paling cantik."
kalimat ini diucapkan oleh Cynthia Sari di salah satu episode acara Bukan Empat Mata...
that sentence still rings in my head even now, and I wonder...
yes it's true. That's what I feel...
-lately-
when I don't think about anything, it is YOU that reside in my mind...
I unconsciously think about our first meeting..
our awful way of saying hello..
and for so long after that, I'm very enjoying our every moment..
the way you share your day, and all, and all..
indeed, I have them treasured firmly deep inside my mind, body, and soul..
at that time I was like....able to do just about anything..
not for anyone, not even for myself, it's for you..
It was very beautiful to remember those times, but it's so painful to face the reality now...
Yes, I was late...
I don't know if you were disappointed with me or not...
but I am really2 disappointed with myself...
yes, I admit. I am such a miserable, pitiful, cowardly, useless trash that God ever created...
maybe He messed up when He created me...
and you.......
yes, for whatever reasons, you deserve better..
that I could never have you...
I knew that before you did...
still I'm the one who's stupid...
I always say that 'I never let you go' but in the end...
I messed up..
this time, it's not about the past, it's about the recent changes...
I really2 need you..
did I forget to mention that your smiles wake up my senses??
did I forget to mention that your words burn up my spirit??
and...
did I forget to mention that your presence makes me alive??
but you know what?
you reject me...
you ignore me..
you disregard my presence...
why??
don't ask me....
ask yourself...
because up until this very moment I write this note, I still don't know the reasons...
and I start to wonder if there are any....
I really2 want to shout it out loud with so many exclamation marks at the end of each sentence...
but I can't...
because you have the possibility to read this...
and shout at you won't give me any good things....
I suppress these feelings deep inside so others won't be able to notice....
I wear make ups again,
I paint my lips with lipstick, a red one.. I paint a huge smile on my face...
so others will only see me as a clown who only knows how to fool around, and how to be fooled around..
and yes, they've fallen right into my decisions...
but you know..
my make ups won't last long..
they'll erased by my tears, because this time, I feel like I can flood this world...
hahahaha...
or so they say..
haaaahhhhh.....
I'm so tired of this world, this life, and the road that I ended up in...
I don't know wheter you do it on purpose or not....
but it worked...
you had successfully killed my feelings, alongside with my dreams, hopes, and my reason for living...
that's okay, I won't blame you....
so I guess, this time I'll follow your intentions, I'll do as you wish...
because no matter how hard I deny, my shadows will always shout in front of my face..
so, I admit, you will always be in my heart, mind, body, and soul...forever..
thank you for those beautiful memories, and thank you for make me realize that...
--It's always a mistake for me to love someone and to be loved by someone--
from now on, live your life to the fullest, I won't disturb you anymore...
except if you want me to...
hahahahaha.................. . . . . . .
....you will always be in my mind, eventhough I never cross your mind to begin with....
----Goodbye----
kalimat ini diucapkan oleh Cynthia Sari di salah satu episode acara Bukan Empat Mata...
that sentence still rings in my head even now, and I wonder...
yes it's true. That's what I feel...
-lately-
when I don't think about anything, it is YOU that reside in my mind...
I unconsciously think about our first meeting..
our awful way of saying hello..
and for so long after that, I'm very enjoying our every moment..
the way you share your day, and all, and all..
indeed, I have them treasured firmly deep inside my mind, body, and soul..
at that time I was like....able to do just about anything..
not for anyone, not even for myself, it's for you..
It was very beautiful to remember those times, but it's so painful to face the reality now...
Yes, I was late...
I don't know if you were disappointed with me or not...
but I am really2 disappointed with myself...
yes, I admit. I am such a miserable, pitiful, cowardly, useless trash that God ever created...
maybe He messed up when He created me...
and you.......
yes, for whatever reasons, you deserve better..
that I could never have you...
I knew that before you did...
still I'm the one who's stupid...
I always say that 'I never let you go' but in the end...
I messed up..
this time, it's not about the past, it's about the recent changes...
I really2 need you..
did I forget to mention that your smiles wake up my senses??
did I forget to mention that your words burn up my spirit??
and...
did I forget to mention that your presence makes me alive??
but you know what?
you reject me...
you ignore me..
you disregard my presence...
why??
don't ask me....
ask yourself...
because up until this very moment I write this note, I still don't know the reasons...
and I start to wonder if there are any....
I really2 want to shout it out loud with so many exclamation marks at the end of each sentence...
but I can't...
because you have the possibility to read this...
and shout at you won't give me any good things....
I suppress these feelings deep inside so others won't be able to notice....
I wear make ups again,
I paint my lips with lipstick, a red one.. I paint a huge smile on my face...
so others will only see me as a clown who only knows how to fool around, and how to be fooled around..
and yes, they've fallen right into my decisions...
but you know..
my make ups won't last long..
they'll erased by my tears, because this time, I feel like I can flood this world...
hahahaha...
or so they say..
haaaahhhhh.....
I'm so tired of this world, this life, and the road that I ended up in...
I don't know wheter you do it on purpose or not....
but it worked...
you had successfully killed my feelings, alongside with my dreams, hopes, and my reason for living...
that's okay, I won't blame you....
so I guess, this time I'll follow your intentions, I'll do as you wish...
because no matter how hard I deny, my shadows will always shout in front of my face..
so, I admit, you will always be in my heart, mind, body, and soul...forever..
thank you for those beautiful memories, and thank you for make me realize that...
--It's always a mistake for me to love someone and to be loved by someone--
from now on, live your life to the fullest, I won't disturb you anymore...
except if you want me to...
hahahahaha.................. . . . . . .
....you will always be in my mind, eventhough I never cross your mind to begin with....
----Goodbye----
